My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
