I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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