Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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