anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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