Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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