I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
