Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
