You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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