I wish i was in the wii world.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
