Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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