god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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