I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
