How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My breasts were aching with rage.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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