Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
