My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
