Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
