he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
