I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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