I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
