I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
