i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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