you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize