I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
