You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
