ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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