i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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