I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
