I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
