I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
