I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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