I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
