if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
