in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
