you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize