May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
