Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
