Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
