does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize