im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
