I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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