Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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