I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
