just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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