And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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