So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
