i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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