I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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