Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
