Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
