so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
