Sacagawea was the original milf.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
