Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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