Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
