You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I supernannyed him into submission
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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