you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
