I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
