you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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