his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
