I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
