I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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